Don’t Hate the Player, Just Play the Game

Cream Pie | Natalie Hippolyte | October 29, 2015

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How many of you have ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend, or someone you had strong feelings for and/or were intimate with? That’s pretty much all of you. How many of you have been suspicious or curious about your partner’s whereabouts when he or she stops answering your calls, leaves your message on “read”, or simply puts the phone on airplane mode? And how many of you have wanted to find out whom that contact was with all the emojis that SHOULD be next to your name?

Well, I’ve got news for you all! I am the answer to your prayers! I’m going to tell you exactly how to stay one step ahead of your partner and their “side piece” and maybe even catch ‘em in the act! Can I get an AMEN?

In compiling a list of the most efficient steps to take when trying to expose your partner, I found that A LOT of women actually already have their own set of rules or guidelines to abide by during the investigation process. These guidelines are conditional, though.
•    If you are not totally sure whether your partner is cheating or not, take the precautious route.
•    Look out for changes in attitude. Is he/she always grumpy, or always trying to ditch you?
•    Do they lay their phone face down after texting someone?

 If you are pretty sure your partner is being unfaithful but still need confirmation, you can get them to confess by using these tactics or ones similar:

  •    When you suspect that your partner may be with the alleged “side piece”, call your partner’s phone. If he or she doesn’t answer, shoot a text saying you’re in an ambulance and see how quick that “dead” phone comes to life!
•    Tell your partner that a girl/guy keeps calling you from a blocked number and that you just got a new app that unblocks phone numbers.
•    Sit back, pop some popcorn, kick your feet up and await the confession

If you are more than confident, or you’re just simply not afraid of an argument, be blunt with your partner.
•    Ask for his/her phone, and don’t miss a thing! Search his messages, e-mails, photo reel, Dropbox, Google docs, ‘Words with Friends’, Snapchat, Instagram (DMs and the photos he/she has liked recently), and anything else that can give you even the slightest of hints.
•    Take note of the reaction when you demand your partner’s phone. Don’t let them guilt you into feeling bad because you don’t trust them. Bottom line is… YOU DON’T. Let’s just own that, and dig through the phone anyway!


But, going forward, certain things are critical in this process. In an investigation of this caliber, discretion and deception are key. I know, I know, it sounds hypocritical, but if your partner wants to pull one over on you, you may as well play the same game, right?
Step 1: Make it easy for your partner to trust you!
•    Whether or not you are actually unfaithful is none of my business. As long as your partner feels confident that you are faithful and are trustworthy, he or she will never suspect that you are in fact suspecting them.
Step 2: Do not leave a trace.
•    Rule of Thumb: Less mess = less stress!
•    If you check your partner’s phone, remember to always close out of the apps you opened, return to the page in which you found the phone, and place the phone in its original position (down to the slightest angle).
•    Do not ever get caught on the phone. If you do, FAKE IT ‘TIL YOU MAKE IT! Pretend you were looking for his/her mom’s number to wish her a Happy Birthday. Anything to make him forget about the fact that you were snooping.
  Step 3: Make sure you have a group of friends who love drama, but are also qualified to be a part of the CIA
•    If you’re friends are the type to know about pictures on his/her instagram from over 30 weeks ago that have already been deleted, they’re qualified.
•    If your friends have classes with your significant other, they qualify, too.
•    If you’re partner doesn’t know your friends, but you’re friends know him or her, they DEFINITELY qualify!
Step 4: Do not ever accuse your significant other, unless you are prepared to back up that statement with hard facts.
•    If you are not going to accuse, because you may be unsure, or do not have hard evidence, make him feel guilty. “Example: I’m so glad we’re honest with each other. If you ever cheated on me I’d be ruined.” Be dramatic! Hit ‘em where it hurts! “Ugh, if you break my heart, I’d probably lose it and burn all your sneakers.” *flickers lighter in hand* Let him know you’re serious. LOL
•    If you are going to accuse, have hard evidence. Bring up dates, times, specific posts, messages, screenshots, that time he/she went to that music festival and you saw his/her ex tweet a week prior that he/she was also going to said music festival. Leave no room for excuses, cover-ups, or more lies. Print it out – make a power point if you need to!
AND LASTLY…
Step 5: Don’t. Get. Played!
•    After all that investigating, the last thing you want is to be bamboozled.
•    “Ditch that zero, and get with a hero!”
•    As fun as it was investigating and snooping, moving on will not be as thrilling.

Yeah. Don’t be them.

Remember, readers: it’s no fun being in a relationship with a cheater. Don’t stick around for it; get out of there as quick as you can! According to FlexiSpy, “70 percent of women in committed relationships and 54 percent of men in committed relationships did not know of their partners’ [trifling activities]”. Don’t be a part of that 70 or 54 percent.